oh no..it happened.
i've started to get old. i knew it had tohappen....actually, that's not true. i knew it theory, but i suppose i somehow thought that i could magically dodge a bullet and never age. it seems not.
and worse, i'm not an old woman. i'm an old MAN.
recently, i've caught myself at my blinds, peeking through them and out the window to keep an etye on kids who were "up to something". as it turns out, they were. graffiti-ing (can that possibly be how you spell that?) and smoking. and they were like 11. 11 year olds smoke now? what the hell?
i've also noticed i hate popular music, current trends, kids on mobile phones, kids on skateboards, underpants protruding from jeans and if i eat late at night i get reflux and heartburn. which makes me cranky. and i take enough vitamins to rattle.
hello, i'm an old man.

next month, it'll be officially one year since i noticed my first wrinkle. and i think it's gotten worse. see, i have this habit orrasing my eyebrows all the time, and above my right eye there are a few creases that don't quite 100% go away when i lower my brows. i know they're normal...but still. it happened to me. to. ME. i guess i just never thought it would.

and now i seem to have reached a point in my life where i would be perfectly happy to move to a beachside house (this is no change, i've always wanted this) and wear clothes i order from mail-order catalogues that arrive at my house. you know those kind - they advertise bad clothes (everything has a "nautical stripe" and all the shirts and jackets are knee length), slippers, bird feeders, weirdarse jewellery, indoor water features and random clock radio devices of no use to any bugger EVER.

i see myself wearing knee-length bad clothes, having an extensive selection of pajamas and spending my days collecting driftwood before going home and drinking tea and wearing a blanket and looking all blank but cosy like those people in the oatmeal commercials.


...i'm old enough to see the appeal in being an oatmeal commercial person...
OH GOD.
i used to see my life unfolding more like the solo commercials. remember that guy that kayaks down a hill, through the jungle?

and i have a nasty feeling that as i age i'm going to get more and more set in more and more bizarre and boring habits. i've recently taken to doing crosswords, home alone in my pajamas in the middle of the day. any day now i'll start cutting all the coupons from the paper..."buy 20 shoelaces and get the 21st half price! that'll save! cut on dotted line...." *snip, snip, snip*

it's a slippery slope*, i tells ya. and i'm going down hill fast.

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*but not in a good way...not a slippery slope like the solo commercial slope the guy kayaks down or anything. nothing like that,