"The Journal Of Good" - by a sod

headache

2008-08-28T12:32:06Z

I HAVE AN HEADACHE AND IT ARE MAKING ME TYPE IN TEH OBNOXIOUS WAYZ.

excuse me, i've got to go. i have an enormous headache in my eye.

yay yay yay

2008-08-28T08:13:18Z

seth has finally given me what i've been asking for for the whole 6 years we've been together - a goatie!
(on him, you understand. he's not turned into a barber and shaved on one me. that'd be weird)

anyway, i like it, and it suits him like i knew it would. even if in trying to even it up we took more off it than i first thought (he let me try to shave it. it's very scary to shave somebody else's face. i think i won't be trying that again. though, for the record, i didn't cut him).

anyway, finally. a goatie.
and i got given an extra shift at work on sunday. time and a half. diggidy.

feeesh!

2008-08-25T08:54:15Z

got three little goldfish today. a white one, a gold one and a black one.
i've not had a tank set up for a while, and i've missed it. so when i saw a little corner tank in go-lo for $12, i grabbed it, thinking it'd be perfect for the house.
now i regret it.
it's plenty big enough for my three fishies, but not for my tastes. it's not big enough to decorate elaborately with my favourite stones and plants. and damnit, my fish deserve a more visually appealing home.
right now they've got a lump of quartz and two artificial plants, but i want a bigger tank with a bubble area and lots of little caves to hide in.
i do have a pretty big cube shaped tank still in my mum's garage, so i'm thinking i might try to find somewhere to fit that in instead.
and that way they can get more fishy friends too!

i saw a black toy poodle today (as in, the dog size 'toy', not a child's plaything) and it's just resparked my desire to have a small mammal in the house. i love dogs and cats, but seth's not a dog person, so i'd be happy to get a cat. i really don't care what it is, so long as it's small enough to live in a flat and wants to spent the rest of its life being spoilt rotten.
i thought a hairless cat would suit us particularly well, given our house is so small and the hair would be a concern given that we are renting, but seth finds hairless cats disturbing.
plus, i know it's not the right time for us to adopt a cat or kitten, realistically.

but it's so not fair! why does being a responsible dog/cat owner and not getting a dog/cat when i know our living situation is not right for one mean that i can't be a dog/cat owner, when i COULD be if i were IRRESPONSIBLE!?!?!
well, i know why. of course i know why.

but oh well. until our sitation is right for our cat, i'll make do with these fish.

wumbi, bean and me.

2008-08-23T15:12:35Z

(or, the stupidest dogs in the world)
i was at my mum's house today, touching up some scratches in the paint on the walls.
i then went and washed the paint brush in the laundry sink, the place where i usually bath the dogs, and wumbi (my sister's dog) turns up:
w: omg the tap is on why is the tap on what's going on why is the tap on?
me: settle down, i'm not about to bath you.
w: are you going to drown me? is that why the tap is on? is that what you're doing?
me: i'm not going to drown you. i'm washing something.
w: *watches and cries* omg omg omg omg
b: O!M!G! are you going to drown my wumbi?!?!?
me: I'M NOT DROWNING ANYBODY! I'M TRYING TO WASH THIS PAINTBRUSH!!
*wumbi goes off and fetches 'ugly bird' (her soggy chewed up bird toy which she has adopted as her baby) while bean runs around the room crying.*
w: *sits sadly at my feet, ugly bird in mouth* if you must drown me, can i at least bring ugly bird?
me: FOR THE LAST TIME! nobody. is being. drowned! i'm trying to wash the paint out of this. leave me alone.
b: *throws himself at my legs* PLEASE DON'T DROWN MY WUMBI I LOVES HER I LOVES YOU WUMBI!!
w: goodbye, cruel world!
me: oh for the love of...

after finally turning cleaning the brush and turning off the tap, wumbi sat and cowered by herself in the laundry for about 15 minutes.
stupid bloody dogs.

and just fyi

2008-08-22T13:44:31Z

my shift at work just finished at 10pm.
and they gave some of us a scratchie for the effort we put in tonight.
AND I WON $5!!!
i love my job

it's funny. i'm dabbling in normalcy like it's a recreational drug.

creativity

2008-08-21T15:13:08Z

since getting a job, the pressure to create has been decreased hugely, which (oddly and at the same time, obviously) has caused me to feel this incredibly intense urge to create stuff.
and not just art, all kinds of things.

it's awesome, except it's keeping me awake. not that i mind that much. i guess it's a trade-off. and i'm enjoying it.
the shitty thing is i find i'm having a hard time keeping up with my need to create, and it's causing this feeling i can only describe as being really close to intense loneliness or heartache...but in an almost manic type way.

i want to curl up with a knitted blanket and drink tea and sketch. NO! knit. wait! no! redo my website. wait, no! no! sketch. yes, sketch....and rearrange my room. but first maybe i'll go out! i want to be out and about! everything is inspiring me.
i just wish i could soak up all this inspiration slowly, synthesise it slowly and have a slow but steady flow of creativity, instead of this lunatic bouncing all over the place, leaving everything half done.

but omg - the freedom of being able to just do whatever i want in my free time. in fact, im having a hard time understanding that i actually have free time.
sure, i can work on my website overhaul, but at my own pace. it doesn't matter that much.
i can, if i really want to, just kick back with a book.
kick back with a book!!!
and feel no guilt.
well....that's not true. i'm still feeling twinges of guilt when i just. do. nothing. (nothing!!!), but i'm getting there.

i love it when there's inspiration in everything.
and i got an ocean scented air freshener, and i love that too.
and i need to decorate my room in driftwood.
and... and...is somebody drugging my drinking water with speed and E? if so, keep up the good work.

it doesn't rain, it pours.

2008-08-02T08:38:58Z

my grandfather is in hospital again...he's ok, but there was another disturbance with his heart and they had to send him up there in an ambulance.
they're running all sorts of tests again now t find out exactly what went wrong.

and seth's cat, the awesomest cat of all awesome cats, the cat who actually had a bluebird for a friend and conversed with him daily, was mauled to death by a dog while sitting on the porch of seth's parents' place. it is, apparently a big dog (part wolf, apparently) known to be out of control.
zag will be greatly missed. he really was pretty much just the awesomest cat i'd ever met.

it's so, so sad to me that this happens. it wasn't the cat's fault, but it wasn't the dog's fault either. it upsets me that people don't realise that big dogs of that type need incredibly careful training so as not to be dangerous. and kept in a secure yard and walked on a lead, not let free to maul people's pets on their own properties.

it saddens me beyond words that human negligence should see perfectly healthy animals die for no reason whatsoever...

toeknuckles @ 2008-07-27T01:51:00

2008-07-26T16:03:24Z

"When good men die their goodness does not perish, but lives though they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies and is buried with them."
- Euripides

"Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition - such as lifting weights - we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity."
-Stephen R. Covey

"Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant."
- Horace

general notice

2008-07-25T09:08:44Z

due o personal reasons, i will be taking a break from art for a time.
sales through my website will bte closed for a time, and please understand if i take some time to respond to emails.

but! i will be back, and soon. so don't go away!

eeeeeee!!!

2008-07-22T05:48:49Z

i handed in my resume yesterday, and they phoned today for a phone interview!

they're giving me an interview on thursday!!!

yay! i want it so much. please let me get it.
i'll be a happier person if i do. i'll even be nicer to pilgrims. really.

one more bloody pilgrim and i'll...

2008-07-21T09:28:14Z

the past week, my hometown ahs been flooded with 'world youth week' pilgrims.
they call it world youth day. it's really world catholic week. and by world, they mean sydney. and they're spilling out from sydney to wollongong, dag blarnit.

last friday:
i'm trying to buy some fresh veggies at the markets in town. a bajillion (no, i'm not exaggerating) pilgrims are chanting, shouting through megaphones and strumming guitars.

me: how much are those radishes?
stall owner: they're *drowned out by a pilgrim bashing a tambourine in my ear*
pilgrim: *bash bash bash bash* have you heard the good news?
me: yes, i have. they've needed that roundabout near the train station for ages.
pilgrim: *blank stare* no....the good word of god?
me: oh, not interested thanks. how much for the beetroot?
pilgrim: you're not interested in going to heaven?
me: no.
pilgrim: why not?
me: i don't believe in it, thankyou. i'll have one of the beetroot and one of the radishes and...
pilgrim: you don't believe in it?
me: no.
pilgrim: what do you believe in?
me: the carbon cycle.
pilgrim: *blank stare* never heard of it. *resumes bashing the tambourine and starts hollering in another language*
me: oh for the love of...

please make them go home. please make them go home. so that i may resume eating my veggies. amen.

i like to keep this in mind

2008-07-19T07:08:41Z

"It is no measure of good health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
Jiddu Krishnamurti

See the little goblin, see his little feet. And his little nosy-wose, isn't the goblin sweet?

2008-07-10T06:28:04Z

so! i did finish my beanie last night, and i'm rather fond of it. it makes me look like a goblin.
i give you the goblin beanie:

it's worth noting in the photo above that i haven't photoshopped my skin white or anything - this is just what a reasonably close flash usually does to me.
at parties, there's usually all these photos of all these lovely looking people, and i'm there with this skin so washed out that often i'm missing my nose - im just this blurry white blob with glowing red eyes....
which brings me to this:

THIS is what happens when i don't have red-eye reduction selected. i get my goblin on big time!

and now, i must take my goblin self off to do some laundry. not entirely a very gobliny thing to do, really...

on the bright side... (oh, and printers!)

2008-07-09T12:16:45Z

i've been pretty shithouse with depression lately. it's taken seth and i quite by surprise with its severity. it hasn't been this bad for a while.

but! in an effort to try to be more positive, there are some good points. i've not repeated some mistakes of the past, and tried to take steps to deal with it better. such as...

1. i've gotten out of bed within 10 minutes of waking up every morning, not spent hours wondering why i should even bother getting dressed.

2. similarly, i've gotten dressed every day, even if i don't intend on going out.

3. i've GONE OUT, not actually stayed at home all day moping and despairing and staring at walls....some days this has served me well, others it's made me feel worse. but at least i'm giving it a bash.

4. i've not stopped eating, nor have i only eaten chocolate. i'm trying to eat breakfast every morning. in fact, today i've had three meals! small, but three all the same.
i've also cooked food to eat - good food from scratch, not "out of the freezer and onto the stovetop" food.

5. i've acknowledged that i'm feeling sensitive and paranoid, rather than trying to explain why it's really rational that i want to stay home and bolt the door in case the estate agents try to ransack the place while we're out. (please note, this actually sort of happened once. the bastards even when through my medication, the weirdarse nutjobs. so, not actually as crazy as it sounds at first read...but still crazy).

6. i think i've pretty openly communicated with seth, even it ahs meant a lot of me crying randomly and him being baffled and alarmed. however, i think i've made what i feel and what i need right now pretty clear, as opposed to just acting insanely and making him guess or try to draw his own conclusions.

7. i'm working on creative stuff. very slowly, and minor errors get me down, but i've not stopped entirely. tonight i intend to finish a beanie and sew some vintage looking buttons i got today onto a dress.
at least i'm being productive on some level.

8. i'm showering. and brushing my teeth. and wearing clean clothes. i'm applying deoderant and not wearing the same unwashed socks every day for a month.
these are all good (and novel!) things.

9. i'm sleeping. not normal hours (about 4am - 11.30am), but it's still sleep. i'm not sitting up all night wondering what the hell there is to live for and if i should give myself a random and angry haircut in the dark using my left hand while closing my eyes (always nice to have something to be depressed about the next morning when i cool off!!).

10. i've not burnt an artwork, cut or dyed my hair, pierced a body part or compulsively lashed out in any other destructive form in the middle of an 'episode'.

so ten good things. that's not too bad.

also, while typing this, i got an email from my dad saying he's just bought a bulk lot of 16 (yes, sixteen. sixteen. yes.) printers, including some massive free standing A3 laser things worth over $6,000.
all are in various states of disrepair, apparently, so i'm curious to see what works (if anything), what can be repaired and what is junk when he picks them all up.
crazy.

toeknuckles @ 2008-07-07T21:26:00

2008-07-07T11:28:15Z

ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera
ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera
ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera
ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera ad astra per aspera

a scary thought, but...

2008-07-03T11:29:58Z

...is lolcat quality control at an all time low?
holy shitamole, batman. can it get any stupider?

space

2008-07-03T10:43:10Z

yesterday seth and i spent a lot of time rearranging his room* to make more use of the space in there.
out place is pretty tiny, but holy hell, the room looks HUGE now. which makes me think about how i could be better using the space in my room.
i'm always complaining that i find it hard to fill orders because my bedroom is my office and my bed is by workbench, but now i'm thinking i just haven't used the space to my advantage.
i'm also thinking the same thing with eveyr other place in the house - the kitchen, the bathroom, the loungeroom. people are often astounded we've managed as well as we have, living in the small space that we do. but i think if we're really creative, we can do a whole lot beter.

so, in line with that though, i've been sketching out ideas for building myself a frame for a loft bed. the bed is the thing that takes up the most room in here, so if i could actually lift it up off the ground and have it not take up floor space, i'd suddenly have a whole lot of extra room.
room for more desks! and then i could really got to town with orders and so forth.

the only thing that's really a problem with all this is the fact that we rent. no putting nails or screws or hooks in the walls, no hanging bookshelves. and i also worry that i'll build this frame for the bed in here only to be evicted as soon as i build the bloody thing. still, nothing to be done about it.

anyway, i'm realising that maybe our place is, big enough. plenty big enough, if we're really creative enough. hmmmm.

and now i'm off. i'm cooking a rice pudding, and it needs eating. mmmmmm.

__________
*
seth and i have seperate bedrooms. given the huge amount of time we're home together (we just added it up, and seth only does 12 hours of classes a week, which is weird, because it seems like way more. i guess since there are sometimes gaps between classes, he's actually AT the uni for a lot more time than that) and that we both need a home studio and creative space, we each have seperate rooms. my computer and my art stuff is in mine, and his computer and all his music gear is in his.
it works out really well, each having a space we can retreat to. as far as we're concerned, being a couple does not mean having to say goodbye to time alone and personal space. in fact, those things really help improve a relationship, in my mind.
some people see it as odd. i see it as very healthy. we see it as very healthy.

art update

2008-07-01T11:50:28Z

i updated with the picture 'trephien' a bit ago, but this is just a general update to let folks know that new images have gone up to my store at EMG.

my page at EMG

go there. spend money. empty your bank accounts!
if i'd finished painting my pocketwatch, i'd use that to hypnotise you all into spending...hmmm. i guess i should get painting!

actually, i AM getting work done, but not painting. working on a new site for myself, getting my wholesale website up and running again and updating both my webdesign and art webpages. as well as working on stuff for a client.
nice to have work to do, really.

also, when i have money i need to get a paid account here and at deviant art. i just can't keep up with deviant art on a free account these days. just waayyy to many things to keep up with!

wollongong

2008-06-30T09:55:58Z

i typed a bunch of stuff, but deleted it.
i'll post these videos instead.
it's funny, i look at them and think wollongong doesn't look half bad...

bean

2008-06-24T11:36:25Z

my mum and i had to take my poor beanie to the vet today - turns out he's going to need antibiotics and desexing, but he'll be fine.
but it makes me so sad to see my poor bean so sad and in pain. 8-(

so, i'm way behind on everything right now. tomorrow i need some serious computer time. i missed a deadline (admittedly, i set it myself, but i did tell the person i was doing it for that it would be met) today for a website update for a client. unhappy with myself about that, but bean was sick. everything stops if bean is sick.

anyway, it was the best outcome we could've hope for, really (aside from the vet saying "no, he's fine, on your bike and here's $500 for you to take with you as you leave") considering we've thought about getting him desexed in the past, but due to his tiny size and previous health problems, we've been afraid.
but now the vet thinks he's healthy enough for it, and improve his health problem ( a prostate problem ) so it works out.
just a damned shame vets aren't free. 8-\

bah!

2008-06-23T12:22:14Z

i've tried to post comments on your livejournals today. livejournal keeps timing out or eating them. so got through, some didn't.
my apologies to people where the comments got eaten, but i haven't the energy to do it all again.
bloody livejournal

toeknuckles @ 2008-06-21T19:40:00

2008-06-21T10:22:32Z

a bunch of folks on the flist have been doing this, and it seems like a fun idea.
so! i'm jumping in on it too: a short list of what i'm listening to right now.

Royal Crown Revue
LA band that laurie introduced me to recently. turns out they did a lot of the music from 'the mask'. i think they're pretty damned cool.
this is a live version of 'zip gun bop'. one of my favourites.

Amon Tobin
i've liked his stuff for a while, but as i've been working on the pocket watch painting i've found his music perfect to listen to.

Zoe Keating
i've posted her before. but now i'm posting her again. so there.

the sound track from Forbidden Planet.
BEST. MOVIE. EVARRR

and that is all for now! enjoy!

bullshit

2008-06-20T07:42:25Z

so, i guess everybody has seen in the news that australia is meant to be the fattest nation on earth now? even overtaking the usa?

bullshit

this, my friends, is total bullshit. they used bmi to calculate it. and if you don't know why bmi is moronic, please feel free to look it up.
bmi is bullshit. and 'australia fattest nation on earth' is bullshit.

bullshit.

keys

2008-06-18T15:53:38Z

tonight i went to see 'sex and the city' with my mum and laurie (my mum won free tickets).
on the way home i picked up a few groceries, and when i finally arrived at my door in the dark, cold and busting to go to the loo, my friggin' keys had somehow jumbled inside my pocket into some sort of totally bizarre puzzle game.
the key to our door had somehow looped inside two other rings on the keychain, but there wasn't enough give to somehow loop them back off the key again. forward or back.
the body of the key was just firmly lodged inside a tangle of rings and other keys.

i tried to sort it out for a fair while, then had to start banging on the door to get seth to let me in. he had to get out of the bath and walk through the flat in a towel, dripping bath water everywhere.

i still haven't managed to untangle my keys. it seems thoroughly impossible, and yet somehow they must be able to be unhooked, since they manage to get hooked up in the first place.

very odd, i tell you. very, very odd.

meme

2008-06-18T03:21:04Z

yeah, i'm full of interesting posts these days...

What the House Test Says About You

You consider yourself important, but no more important than anyone else. You love attention, but you don't feel like you deserve more of it than anyone else.

You can't stand community oriented people and annoying "buy local" campaigns. You prefer to live the best life possible, and that doesn't really involve many other people.

You are a calm, contemplative, and smart person. You take ideas very seriously.

You look attractive, but mostly because your rely on your natural good looks to get by.

You are moved by the most simple of things. You can find pleasure from a small, perfect moment.

The House Test